apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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