pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
