He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We need to rekindle our bromance
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
