Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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