I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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