Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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