Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
