He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
