his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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