We're facebook friends in real life
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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