I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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