matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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