Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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