I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
