i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
