$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
