Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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