maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize