I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
