I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
