What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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