3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
