you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
