My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I forget how to act sober
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
