I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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