her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
