make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
