What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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