I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
