Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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