so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
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her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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