I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
