Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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