I'm really into asian looking animals
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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