Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
