i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
