It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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