I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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