so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
