evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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