Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
