I can text with my tongue
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
