Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
