So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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