If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We just shotgunned beers for America
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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