It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i would punch a child for taco bell
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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