i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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