i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
