I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
