Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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