Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
