You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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