Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
