Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
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Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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