At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
