Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize