I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
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What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
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I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Shame - the story of my life.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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