dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
