LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
