he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
