I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
