is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
