i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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