Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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