don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
