I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
