Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: eviction party
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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