Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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