do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
