exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
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Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
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So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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