not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
