Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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