did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
