hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
