I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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