my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
