two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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