You're earring is so big in my mouth
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
