Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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