Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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