i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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