Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
zippers are such a cool invention
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
