went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
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By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
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Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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