Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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